Thoughts is all thats left with me

I have two reasons for my long hiatus... first of all I had nothing to write about and second of all, I didn't had enough time to write whatever little I had. I know its been long since I updated my blog and I missed it dearly,  an ardent listener I can ever have. For now, I am back with my share of frustration and agitation.

A glimpse in life says, things are routine, including the banging of conscience... I have this never ending work piled up in office... badly/hardly able to manage my account... getting restless... pissed of with ppl around. In short, life is screwed, LOL!!!

Anyways, I'll update other things in detail later, but today I am here to write or rather say something to someone. Someone I know would read this wherever they are (or probably reading it as I type). Few lines that couldn't sum up my feelings for YOU:

Far from sight, beyond thought,

you stepped the road that never tread back.

lonesome you left us in journey of life

breaking the promise of  standing beside

knowledge of life stopped me from looking for you

still, ahead and afar, I know our paths will cross

And then, I will ask something I am unworthy of

yet for the greedy person I am.

i donno what feeling it is... i tried sorting out my feelings for you and every time i did, my thoughts went to MGM and there they stood listening to that creepy hallow sound of ... i am feeling miserable, helpless. i tried convincing myself that its fate yet there are innumerable times when I thought of what I would have done had I been there... you have to answer me... i knw it wasnt in your hands and I cant question the will of Allah... i was stupid and i am... i never knew the importance... i miss you.

tricks and tips

I still didn't forget the tone with which someone said to me "Ahh... back with your tricks again". I donno, may be you were right, I did something before but it wasn't a trick,it was a casual moment of fun, that's it. And today, what I said wasn't meant to be a casual fun thing even, it was a matter-of-fact thing, which I felt. I cant say how much I wished to say "okie, if you think this is a trick then have it your way, do it" but something in me doesn't let me say so. what am i suppose to do then, feel more guilty, and I know your answer would be "NO", which irritates me even more. Because of you, I am in confession mood, all the time. And I dislike myself for sounding desperate, needy, pathetic, idiotic, n weak, all at one time, because of you.

sometimes, there is no meaning in trying to make sense out of senseless things, things that I let you do and things that I can never let you do. Hope you understand someday that I cant really play tricks with these things.

block heads

I am getting irritated quite often these days. ppl doesn't really have manners or sense and their questions get me on my nerve. Its good to be curious and to know about things but why don't ppl limit their curiosity to Gk. I really don't understand what someone has to do with my reason of not fasting for few days? They aren't my best friends either to be overly concerned and know if I am not really well or what ever. And then there are ppl who don't know where to show the attitude (being materialistic is another matter, I don't even consider it to be something you should be proud of). I thought I was little rude to them but seriously they deserve the boot. Yet an another kind is reckless, who don't have the minimum manners. I don't understand what the heck they think about themselves. they are ..... I wanted to write something else too but I don't want to give any damn explanation to someone.

By the way, all the above victims (as one of my friend call them) are men, obviously. Sometimes men can be real idiots or who knows they pretend to be so? They don't even have the sense of what to talk and what not to, besides this they expect us to laugh at their awfully idiotic sense of humor. Huh... I know everything I wrote doesn't really make sense to everyone else except the fact that I am getting furious and ppl whom it make sense doesn't read my blog, better don't.

Ah... apart from that, 2lc n me met Sri yesterday, her daughter is pretty, she is just 7 days old, and she was sleeping all the time. Me n 2lc tried irritating her as much as possible, because I wanted to see her with her eyes open. when she is too much irritated she would start crying and we would stop irritating her then but the moment we stop she would get back to sleep in a sec. Another exciting thing is, A.R.Rahmaan concert is being held in Hyderabad and I wanna go. Nothing is decided but the tickets are open. There are different range, minimum being 500 and maximum being 25000 rps. But the price of ticket is dependent on the place it seem, I checked bookmyshow for tickets in Hyderabad, and they aren't offering 500 rps, their starting price is 1k, I wonder if its even there or not.

What else... finally I watched friends (5 episodes) yesterday, I am yet to complete all the seasons. I have to pay my bsnl bill but glued to the idiot box and the system. Planning to go for a movie tomorrow, so have to finish the chores today. Have to finish few posts that are pending from yesteryear but that's not gonna happen for another year or so. Well... that's it I guess, Happy Weekend, Happy Dassera :).

P.S: Every word I wrote here is my opinion and guess I am entitled to have one, it has got nothing to do with anyone and any resemble is purely co-incidental. These days ppl don't even have the right to express their opinions, and hence this dis-claimer :D.

BFF

Needless to say, t-todo, s-todos, r-todo, deep (spl courtesy for asking not to mention the name ;), long back though), and me are best friends. I totally agree like everyone else we too have many differences but we do have few things in common that glued us together :). At first, when we met, we all had, though not very definitive but kind of vague ideas of how our friends should be. But as our bond grew stronger our ideas were no where to be seen (:P) and we are completely aware of the other side of the coin and are still friends. Now we don't mind much when t-todo gets angry, d-todo forgets something, n-todo gets late, or s-todos are busy. Something very interesting happened over the last weekend, that surprised me first but was shocked later. It made me think, best friends ila kuda untaara ani, guess untaaru ;).

Last weekend t-todo was at my place and as usual we didn't do much or shall I say I didn't let her do much. I think I don't have to mention separately that we slept @ 2am woke up @ 12pm kind of things, that's obvious anyway. t-todo was here to spend her Saturday with me and next day, i.e on Sunday we planned to visit s-todo's home, it was her birthday. On Saturday eve, we were chit-chatting, and in between I said to t-todo, next month on your birthday I guess I wont be available here. For that she said neither me , its coming on weekend i think and asked me to checkout the calendar. I checkout out and said you birthday is 22nd right, that's Tuesday. she looked at me and I was shocked and said "isn't it on 22nd?" she nodded her head saying no :(. I was like what the heck, how can this be possible, and I re-checked the calendar, it clicked to my mind that she said its on some weekend, my next best guess was 13th? She said, "I thought its only deep, you too?" I was feeling terrible and very firmly I decided that I'll think and think and think and will get to knw myself but wont ask anyone abt her bdate. So I tried hard and for the whole Sunday I kept thinking and finally on Sunday after returning home I said to her, "its sep 5th right". That's it, ayya baboi aa chupu... I felt so idiotic, not just for guessing wrong but to guess after 2 wrong attempts, I know how touchy girls are regarding dates.

So finally next day I made a call to s-todo and I spoke to her casually at first and later on said,

me: I have something to say, provided you'll not reveal the same to t-todo.
s-todo: okie, whats that?
me: Isn't it t-todo's bday on 22nd sep?
s-todo: yes, why?
me: (I immediately made up and said) Ohh... nothing, I was just little confused
s-todo: yea, her bday is on 22nd... hmm... or probably 23rd
me: No its not 23rd for sure
s-todo: yea, you are right, t-todo's bday is on 22nd sep and yours in on 10th oct
me: Ossaye, nee ...
s-todo: (interrupting me immediately) no no no, 10th is raj's bday, right
me: yup, but tell me when is my bday
s-todo: its in oct ma
me: yea, when in oct?
s-todo: aade le, oct lo ne nee bday raj bday, inkem chestunnav cheppu?
me: Huh... oct lo ne naa bday, yea.. you are right (and we both laughed).

I couldn't stop laughing and I still when ever I think of it. So, its not just me, even s-todo is joining the bandwagon :P. I am not being defensive, but I know ur bday, its just that you played with my confidence level and point to be noted, she still dont know my BDAY :O or probably she already made a call to you guys :).

good times...

my trip to home was good n I thoroughly enjoyed it. Me n dad were singing "Dhan Ta Nan" from Kaminey movie all the time. I like that song even more now. Dad was all praise for serial(s) mom n de watch, especially the one with background music of dhoom tan na na dhoom ta na na dhim ta na ta dhim ta na na ... Dad said at one time the leading lady was abt to decide something and she took a whole week to do that. All through the week, the only things that happened was that background music and zooming in/out of faces.

I gave a glimpse of my life here to dad and When I said to him abt my lifestyle n schedule, he was particularly unhappy. Discipline is one thing where I am at the opposite end with mom n dad. In fact I think, any damn lawyer on earth can prove me not to be daughter of my parents and can win a case solely based on this difference. Anyway, dad asked me "What are your office timings, the one you follow?", I said 10 or 11 am. He was like 10 or 11 kya??? I said to him that means I am early to office :P.

He said to me then, "Go early to office by 8 or 9AM, the best thing is you'll have plenty of time to work and you wont make many mistakes under pressure of time. And even if you make any mistake, you'll have enough time to resolve it". Huh... I know I am not a kid (and should be knowing it myself) but I like it when dad talks to me like this. I am trying to follow but heaven knows how successful I'll be.

Another thing is, Ramzaan has started already. I am fasting today too,fourth day in row. Its nice, but I would love to be at home during this time. I miss the iftaar when everyone sit together and pray.

Kaab

Kaab is my nephew. He is the cutest baby I have seen (I feel almost same abt most of the babies I have seen). There is one thing I have to say about him, since he is just a month old baby, he doesn't really understand anything we say. He cant even make out if we are tryin to make him laugh or something else. But, he gives a very cute, really little, smile when something goes in his mind on its own, and that's the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Most of the time, I keep staring at him, like phir kab smile karega ye and all of sudden out of blue moon he'll give that zillion bucks smile. Other best thing in him is, he is very calm, and most of the times, he stare at surroundings with eyes wide open. He is cute N calm just like me!!!

Heavy feather

I have read generosity can kill people but today I knew why is it so. I almost started disliking me for being the way I am. For being selfish, for just taking the things but never giving what the other one wanted. As this itself isn't enuf the other person is too good to me (I would have hated them otherwise though), despite all this. Despite me being monstrous. I didn't speak abt it because I can never tell this to anyone nor I can accept I am not really as good as I put up. I know I don't have to explain to anyone or give justification to anyone. But I really wanted to do something to the other person. His generosity coupled with my own guilt was too heavy a burden to carry. And I did something I wasn't comfortable with but thought, for some stupid reason, that the other one might like it. And then I was said, " Don't do things because of your own guilt, its no good to me" and I bursted off.

No one can be good or bad for too long, I am waiting for them to get frustrated, which they are bound to, and then turn vice and then I'll be happy, for my behavior towards them will be justified in my own eyes then.